The Pup that Loved too Much

                    

Love means never having to say that you're sorry, says Erich Segal in his Love Story. But this needn’t always be true. Love also means having to say that you are sorry. My little Blackie, I am sorry for letting you go, for not trying hard enough to get you back. Why did I let you go? Your only fault was that you loved me too much.       

What can I say about a two month old puppy who walked into my life in the most unexpected manner? That she was black in colour with patches of white? That she loved carrying away and chewing my slippers, driving me mad in the process? That she loved lapping  up bread soaked in milk with her eyes closed? And above all, that she loved me so much that she couldn’t bear to let me out of her sight?

I do not remember the date or month or even the year. It may have been in 2013 or 2014. As usual, while driving home  from work I had gone to see my ailing  mother who was staying with my sister. At around 7 o'clock, while driving back home I heard loud  yelps of pain that made me brake my car. In the dark I had not seen the puppy that was lying right in the middle of the lane. Her mother seeing my car had got up and walked to safety, leaving her behind. I picked up the pup which was whimpering with pain and took her home. I examined her. Her mouth was full of blood! And she couldn't stand up either.

 I quickly took her to a vet. One of her legs  had sustained a crack. Amid cries of pain the little leg was bandaged. Luckily, the blood inside the mouth was because the pup had bitten her own tongue out of sheer fright; that the vet assured me would heal soon. As per his advice, the very next day I took her to  a veterinary hospital for antibiotic and analgesic injections. As, with a broken leg, the puppy was totally helpless I had to nurse her  back to health. She remained in my home and became quite friendly with my pet dog named Blackie. As days went by she began to get up and hobble. Finally, after three weeks I removed the bandage and took her out to reunite her with her mother feeling quite happy to see their reunion.

Little did I realize then what heartache this puppy would cause me later. Day in and day out she was there right in front of my house. Whenever I called out my dog’s name, Blackie, this pup also would come rushing to my gate. She used to howl and wail and look so soulfully at me  that I  was forced to open the gate and allow her in. Eventhough I began to cook more rice and fish in order to feed her also, I shut her out after giving her food every day.

 But I knew the extent of her attachment for me only when she began to follow my car. The moment she caught sight of my car she started rushing towards it and following it, unmindful of the heavy traffic. She didn’t want to let my car go out of her sight. I feared that any moment  she might get run over by a speeding car or bike. Whenever I went to see my mother and stay the night at my sister's, she used to run behind my car and wait outside the whole night long getting completely drenched in the rain sometimes.

 Following my car became a sort of ritual for her so much so that driving to work became an ordeal for me. Everyday when I caught sight of her, my heart began to beat frantically. She began causing problems for drivers who had to apply sudden brakes to avoid hitting her. One day the office bearers of our Residents Association took three street dogs away to be sterilized. One was this puppy who was by now about five or six months old. But when they brought back the dogs after sterilization the puppy was missing. I made enquiries and soon learned that they had let her loose in a different part of the city as she had become a nuisance for all drivers of vehicles in our area.

I am ashamed to say that my first feeling was one of relief, relief because from now on I can drive without the fear that she would be crushed under the wheels of some speeding vehicle right in front of my eyes. But then my vision blurred as tears welled up in my eyes. Her only fault had been that  she wanted to be loyal  to  me, to belong to me,to be my pet.  I felt her growing in stature in my estimation while I  became  more and more puny. 

I just can't bear the thought of her roaming hungry and going to sleep on an empty stomach. As I had been feeding her all this while she might not know how to fend for herself. Sometimes I wonder where she is. Is she hungry? Is she sick? Is she alive at all? If she is alive, does she think of me with love  or will she consider me a betrayer of her love. But she, being a dog, I think, will never hate me.

Now, whenever I think of her, a Tamil film song that had been very popular during my childhood days in Pondicherry comes to my mind. It is  a song from the Tamil film Nenjil Oru Aalayam, (The remake of this film in Malayalam was Hridayam Oru Kshethram ). The song begins thus,  “engirunthaalum vaazhga, un ithayam amathiyil vaazhga” Yes, my little Blackie, For you too  this  is my  prayer: wherever you are, you should live well, you should live in peace.

 Bhadra S